A wall of gloom and dismay, no exiting door or opened window through which I might fly, but pure blackness of night surrounds me and a sense of failure after everything I try.
I can still get up once more to fight for the life that exists out those invisible doors for me. I could weep; I could cry, but I? I will not be defeated.
The past month has been a difficult one for me, with many changes and decisions, and much stress. I felt occasionally that I was at the lowest I could go. I believe that if I hadn't had a testimony of our Savior's power, that He could deliver me from my afflictions and rescue me, I would have been in the utmost despair and wouldn't have been able to handle my situations as well. A few things pulled me out of the gloom: That testimony of Jesus Christ and that my adversity would not last, a blessing (see lds.org for more information on the topic), seeing that I was needed, and finally, laughter.
Could anyone really imagine it, that I, a young woman who lacks confidence and is easy to ignore, could ever influence anyone? I thought that I could leave my current situations and few would miss me, but then as I had the opportunity to look up into the faces of my fellow employees, ranging from ages 16 to 40-something, I looked into the eyes of one of the younger employees and realized, "This is why I am here. For him." Perhaps only the single young individual needs my help and friendship at this time, but it is still someone. Later, over the next couple of days I found reasons to laugh, which truly is like medicine, healing and uplifting us.
During the process of being pulled out of my dark struggles, I was reminded about the Provo City Tabernacle and about these words shared in a talk by Linda S. Reeves:
"Almost three years ago a devastating fire gutted the interior of the beloved, historic tabernacle in Provo, Utah. Its loss was deemed a great tragedy by both the community and Church members. Many wondered, “Why did the Lord let this happen? Surely He could have prevented the fire or stopped its destruction.
Ten months later, during the October 2011 general conference, there was an audible gasp when President Thomas S. Monson announced that the nearly destroyed tabernacle was to become a holy temple—a house of the Lord! Suddenly we could see what the Lord had always known! He didn’t cause the fire, but He allowed the fire to strip away the interior. He saw the tabernacle as a magnificent temple—a permanent home for making sacred, eternal covenants.
My dear sisters, the Lord allows us to be tried and tested, sometimes to our maximum capacity. We have seen the lives of loved ones—and maybe our own—figuratively burned to the ground and have wondered why a loving and caring Heavenly Father would allow such things to happen. But He does not leave us in the ashes; He stands with open arms, eagerly inviting us to come to Him. He is building our lives into magnificent temples where His Spirit can dwell eternally."
Ten months later, during the October 2011 general conference, there was an audible gasp when President Thomas S. Monson announced that the nearly destroyed tabernacle was to become a holy temple—a house of the Lord! Suddenly we could see what the Lord had always known! He didn’t cause the fire, but He allowed the fire to strip away the interior. He saw the tabernacle as a magnificent temple—a permanent home for making sacred, eternal covenants.
My dear sisters, the Lord allows us to be tried and tested, sometimes to our maximum capacity. We have seen the lives of loved ones—and maybe our own—figuratively burned to the ground and have wondered why a loving and caring Heavenly Father would allow such things to happen. But He does not leave us in the ashes; He stands with open arms, eagerly inviting us to come to Him. He is building our lives into magnificent temples where His Spirit can dwell eternally."
This reminds me also of something that C.S. Lewis said:
"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”
Dark days truly will fade away and the light will rise over the peaks again. We can and will be freed from any struggle we may face. Sometimes we will have to walk through the ominous forests on paths that lead to places we cannot see. Despite this, however, there are better days ahead. Trust in the Savior, know that He loves you, understand that there are people who need your help, and laugh often.
Dark days truly will fade away and the light will rise over the peaks again. We can and will be freed from any struggle we may face. Sometimes we will have to walk through the ominous forests on paths that lead to places we cannot see. Despite this, however, there are better days ahead. Trust in the Savior, know that He loves you, understand that there are people who need your help, and laugh often.
