The Coronavirus of our Souls

 We all know the story if we've paid any attention to the news: A viral terror extended throughout the world, beginning in December 2019. Its name: COVID-19. COVID-19 is hardly the first coronavirus that has inflicted many countries in the world. Coronaviruses are common, and many people suffer from them yearly. However, this year, it seems that the world not only suffers from those lesser coronaviruses, or even so much from COVID-19, but also a greater "Coronavirus." While mobs fought like jackals for toilet paper, cans of soup, and hand sanitizer, our common enemy crept into our hearts. 

Coronavirus, looking at the first part of the word Corona has several definitions. The first, according to both the Merriam-Webster Dictionary and Dictionary.com, refers to a crown. The second definition refers to the upper section of a body part. The third refers to botany: the inner trumpet-like part of some flowers. 

These definitions intrigue me because since we call the virus a coronavirus, it must be a virus that affects either the upper portion of the body (head, respiratory system, and the heart) or the inner part of the body. In either case, the virus can do great damage when that section of our body is at risk. A second interesting factor is that the corona for both flowers and human beings controls, to an extent, what particles enter and leave the body. 

Laying these definitions and scientific assumptions aside, what is the common enemy that crept into our hearts and souls like a coronavirus? Here are some words to describe it: Pride, Envy, Selfishness, Anger, Hatred, Prejudice, Racism... I could continue, but hopefully, this will suffice for now. COVID-19 frightens people; many have become ill and died from it. Undermining it does us no good because science proves that it exists. However, we must direct more attention to the coronavirus that afflicts our emotions, soul, and spirit. While people are dying from physical illness, many more of our brothers and sisters (for we should see each other as such) are steadily wasting away under the claims of hatred and disgust, of pride and selfishness. 

I wish to address the third definition (or the first) that I shared from those two sources: the crown, often referring to a crown of light or halo. The enemy that has made its way into our lives in the middle of the pandemic has blinded our minds and diminished our light: the light that comes from having charity toward God and others. We made it easy. We yielded an inch by putting our needs above those of others and gave up a mile instead. 

Some future day when there is an effective vaccine for COVID-19, the pandemic for COVID-19 will also end, but unless we soften our hearts and allow love to fill us once more, the pandemic for the greatest coronavirus will continue until we cease to live. Let us protect ourselves from the worst coronavirus.

The 12

 At the beginning of this year, I decided to study the lives of the original 12 apostles we read about in the New Testament. By learning how they spoke about Christ and how they interacted with him, as well as their backgrounds and struggles, I came to know Christ better. It was to my joy when I saw that someone had created a show called The Chosen about Jesus and his disciples because then I could see what I had been studying about. I recommend the episodes (Here is a link to episode 1: https://youtu.be/craeyJdrCsE), but I want to also share what I've learned about each of the 12.

1) Judas Iscariot:

Judas would have grown up, studying in the synagogues and learning from the rabbis like most Jewish boys. He knew about the scriptures and the prophecies of a Christ that would come to deliver Israel. What's intriguing is that Jesus knew each of his disciples and their potentials, so He saw good in Judas, but He also knew what Judas would eventually do. Judas saw all of the same miracles that most of the other apostles saw Jesus perform, but he also had a weakness: a great love of money. Since he was given the task of being the treasurer for the 12, this love of money may have increased. In reading from the New Testament, we see the discouraging part that Judas played in delivering the Son of God into the hands of the soldiers. During what is known as the Last Supper, Jesus said,

"I speak not of you all: I know whom I have chosen: but that the scripture may be fulfilled, He that eateth bread with me hath lifted up his heel against me.

Now I tell you before it come, that, when it is come to pass, ye may believe that I am he.

Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that receiveth whomsoever I send receiveth me; and he that receiveth me receiveth him that sent me.

When Jesus had thus said, he was troubled in spirit, and testified, and said, Verily, verily, I say unto you, that one of you shall betray me.

Then the disciples looked one on another, doubting of whom he spake.

Now there was leaning on Jesus’ bosom one of his disciples, whom Jesus loved.

Simon Peter therefore beckoned to him, that he should ask who it should be of whom he spake.

He then lying on Jesus’ breast saith unto him, Lord, who is it?

Jesus answered, He it is, to whom I shall give a sop, when I have dipped it. And when he had dipped the sop, he gave it to Judas Iscariot, the son of Simon.

And after the sop Satan entered into him. Then said Jesus unto him, That thou doest, do quickly” (John 13:18-27). 

At that moment, Judas would have known that Christ was prophesying about his betrayal and knew that Christ knew, yet he still went to do it. What I admire about the other disciples at this time, also, is that even though Jesus told Judas to go and sent him away, all of the other apostles never thought to accuse Judas; They trusted him, and so they thought that he was being sent on Jesus' bidding to do good.

Judas, upon feeling remorse afterward for betraying his friend, committed suicide instead of seeking to make amends for his treachery.

2) Simon the Canaanite (Simon the Zealot):

Simon was known as Simon the Zealot because when Jesus called him, he was part of the rebellious political group, the Zealots, who wanted to overthrow the Roman rule. The Zealots often used violence against the Romans. Simon had to undergo a change of heart and became zealous for the Gospel instead. In fact, when the Roman soldiers came to arrest Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane, it was Peter that reached out to defend Christ by the sword instead of the other Simon, who once would have reacted defensively against the Romans if he still had the attitude of a Zealot.

3) Matthew the Publican:

Matthew (also known by Levi), was one of the writers of the four Gospels and a Publican, meaning that he worked for the Romans as a tax collector. Because of this, he was not accepted by the Jews or the Romans because he would have taken money from the Jews for the Romans, but the Romans would have never accepted a Jew as one of their own. Like Simon Peter, James, and John, he immediately left his work and followed Jesus, despite all of his wealth, and made a feast for Jesus (Luke 5:28-29). He gave up protection from the Roman government, his wealth, his status, and perhaps much more for the cause of Christ. Not only would it have been difficult for the other disciples to accept Matthew right away because of his once-alliance with the Romans, he and Simon the Canaanite were on opposite ends of the political spectrum, but Christ's teachings changed both of them. Matthew referred to himself as "the Publican" (see Matthew 10:3, for example), and I wonder if he often felt unworthy since the Publicans were always combined with the "sinners." 

4) Thaddeus (also named Judas and Lebbaeus):

Unfortunately, there is not much information about him, but his name suggests he was loving and courageous, and this is illustrated in John 14:22 when Thaddeus asks Christ why He would show Himself only to the 12 and not to the entire world, but besides that, he's not really mentioned much.

5) James and John Zebedee:

We must put the brothers together because, in a way, they have similar personalities. Jesus gave them the nickname of "Sons of Thunder" because they were bold, daring, and had hot-heads in some situations (such as wanting to destroy a village that had rejected Jesus, Luke 9:54). Over time, they learned to be more humble and submissive. Like Peter and Andrew, the two of them immediately followed Jesus when He called to them, and they became two of Jesus' closest friends. They were told that they'd suffer great persecution for the Gospel, and James was the first apostle to be martyred after Jesus' ascension (Acts 12:2). 

John, at the time of the crucifixion, was asked by Jesus to take care of His mother, Mary. He referred to himself as John the Beloved in his Gospel writings. Although he originally was full of passion and may have been a little over-zealous, over time he became more loving and compassionate toward others, even beginning many of his letters with "Beloved." He was later exiled and became an outcast and was the only one of the original 12 to not suffer death, although he was greatly persecuted.

6) Thomas (Didymus):

Thomas was also given the name Didymus, which means "Twin." We don't know much about how he was called, based on the 4 Gospels of the New Testament, but the scriptures give insight into Thomas' character. First, he was loyal to Jesus Christ even though he had doubts. Most of us are familiar with the account of Thomas's doubts that the other apostles had seen the resurrected Christ, and he almost always receives the "bad rap" of being "Doubting Thomas." However, when news of a dying Lazurus reached them, the other apostles tried to persuade Jesus to not go to see him because the Jews would seek Jesus' life, but Thomas convinced all of them to let Him go, saying that if necessary, he would go and die with Him (John 11:16). He had a great love for the Savior, and although he was a man that had questions and used reason, when he saw the resurrected Christ finally, his testimony of the Savior's resurrection was cemented. For this, I think we should instead call him "Believing Thomas," don't you think?

7) Philip:

I wish we had more information about Philip because, like Andrew, he was a man of great faith. He was a disciple of John the Baptist and heard John the Baptist testify of the Savior; he followed Him afterward. As soon as he knew about the Savior, he ran and told his friend, Nathaniel, to come and see the Christ (John 1:43-45).

8) Nathaniel (Bartholemew): 

Nathaniel was Philip's friend, and at first, thought Philip was a little crazy because, as he said, "Can anything good come from Nazareth?" (John 1:46). However, he joined his friend and went to meet Jesus, who recognized Nathaniel and greeted him with a sign, having seen him under a fig tree when Nathaniel was not in sight. Afterward, Nathaniel straightway believed. Jesus recognized him as a man without guile, and because of his faith in that Jesus was the Messiah, he was promised to see greater signs and wonders.

9) Andrew:

Andrew was the brother of Simon Peter, and he was a faith-filled and faithful man. He was originally a disciple of John the Baptist, like Philip, and began following Christ when John testified of the Lamb of God. He readily knew for himself that Jesus was the promised Messiah and shared this with his brother, Simon. The day afterward, when Jesus came to the sea and found the fishermen, the others were ready to follow Jesus because of Andrew's testimony. Later, Andrew and Philip brought the Greeks to Jesus to be taught (John 12:20-26).

10) Simon Peter:

When he first met Jesus, Simon felt unworthy to be in His presence, and yet, Jesus called him to be an apostle. Simon made many mistakes over time, but he learned from the mistakes and became one of the Savior's closest friends. He became the prophet after Jesus died and was resurrected. Peter is evidence that the Savior didn't choose perfect men to follow Him and build up His church. Rather, the Savior chose imperfect men and changed them.

11) James the Lesser:

James is referred to by several names in the New Testament: James the Lesser (or younger), James, the son of Alphaeus. Unfortunately, we don't have much information about him so we have to use our imaginations and know that he was a valiant man who was patient in afflictions and suffered much for Christ's sake. Because of his name, I like to think of him as the little brother figure of the group.

As I've studied about them, I've learned for myself that God does not call the qualified, but He qualifies the called. I like a quote from Mary in The Chosen series that I think sums everything: "I was one way... and now I'm another way, and in between... was Him."

What is my Worth?

Someone reading this might say, "Destinee, is this another religious post? Why do you always write about God and religion?" Chances are that one of those individuals who come across this blog by happenstance or curiosity is going to say exactly that, but before you leave because you don't want to hear another thing about God and religion, I want you to ask yourself: What is my worth?
For many of us, if not all, we ask ourselves that question at least once in our lives. What is my value in society? What is my value to my family? How about to the world? If you're one of those who are being persecuted at this time, you are probably asking yourself one of those questions. In this world of amazing artists, famous actors, and brilliant scientists and medics; powerful lawyers and leaders, or even influential speakers, who am I compared to anyone? Who am I anyway? What is my worth? Here is my advice: stop comparing yourself. You are your own beautiful person, unique and marvelous. I listened to a message by Ganel-Lyn Condie, a motivational speaker and writer, in which she said that comparisons make our trials worse (https://youtu.be/4B7fgBWav4w). And I would think that comparisons with others make our self-worth decrease also.
Second, I wish to share with you an anecdote that came to my mind one night when I contemplated my own worth. On a beach of white sand, one tiny grain or two of sand is easily overlooked. If we were to seek out a specific grain of sand, it would be nearly impossible. It is lost among billions and billions of sand. However, put that grain of sand or two in an oyster, deep at the bottom of the ocean, and give it some time. Over time as the oyster coats the sand, the grain of sand becomes a pearl, which is worth a great amount. Maybe we feel like a grain of sand at times, lost among the billions. God sees us differently, though. He sees us as a pearl of great price. In the Bible, there's a scripture that talks about a merchant that sold all he had for a pearl (Matthew 13:45-46). Here is where you can stop reading if you don't want to hear more about God, of course, but why stop here anyway? This is only an opinion, but do you see any similarities between the pearl of great price the merchant bought and the pearl of great price that we, ourselves, are? We are the pearl of great price that the great Father of us all, God himself, bought in exchange for what He had: His Son, Jesus Christ. I don't know about you, but I say that's pretty amazing. So next time you ask yourself how much you're worth or what your worth is, I want you to remember that you are worth everything because you are a Pearl of great price.

According to Our Infirmities: The COVID-19 Tribute

Within the last ten years, an idea called the Bullet Journal increased in popularity (for more information about it, see https://bulletjournal.com/). Thanks to this new organizational method, half of my immediate family members bought the dotted journals, and they coaxed me into using bullet journals also. As I reviewed the last few months in this year's bullet journal to discover which goals I still hadn't completed, my eyes traveled over the calendar for March. March 20th showed: "The world shuts down." Social media sites display the statistics for the number of days, deaths, illnesses, and so forth for COVID-19, but in March, the situation became personal. March was when many businesses shut down to prevent the spreading of the virus; I, as well as millions of others, lost our jobs. As a result, I also lost my health insurance. Earlier in the year, I booked a hotel and plane ticket to travel to New Orleans in May, but the hotel canceled on me, and the exponential increase in cases of the virus forced me to cancel the plane ticket as well. Church meetings were suspended. I could no longer visit my grandparents, parents, or siblings.
The pandemic had taken almost everything away from me. Yet, I am not alone in these experiences; Others face the same circumstances, though in different ways.

This morning I read a talk by Dallin H. Oaks called The Great Plan, and in it, he shared a part of a scripture that talks about how Jesus Christ would know "how to succor his people according to their infirmities." According to their infirmities. One of the definitions of "according to" is "depending on." That means that we receive specific help depending on our infirmity. It occurred to me that there are multiple infirmities, and each infirmity has its individual solution. This means that if I struggle with a physical infirmity, like arthritis, the care for it is unique compared to my physical infirmity of having tremors. A mental weakness, such as depression, needs an entirely different form of care.
Yes, I lost my job, and it was a career that I had worked in since graduating high school, but I have had time to develop my skills and build a portfolio that will open paths for me if I wish to take them. Traveling is not an immediate need; it can happen later. We live in a day of technology, which allows us to keep in contact with family members and friends, and to access positive, uplifting messages, including scriptures, online.
Struggling is a universal principle that none of us can avoid, especially during this unfortunate time, but while that phrase, "according to their infirmities," signifies there are a myriad of infirmities, it also  provides hope that every struggle has a solution.

Stuck in the Briar Patch

Disneyland is home to some of the most family-friendly rides in the country, as I discovered for the first time approximately a year and a half ago. However, there is one ride that is both fun and yet terrifying; it's called Splash Mountain. This ride follows the story of Briar Rabbit, a rabbit who caused much mischief to the point where he gained a couple of enemies by the names of Briar Fox and Briar Bear. To "get even" with him, Briar Fox and Briar Bear set up a trap in a tar pit, caught the silly rabbit, and then tossed Briar Rabbit into the briar patch. The Disneyland ride lets the riders experience both the little bouts of easy, laid-back fun, but then throws them on a steep, high, and thrilling plummet, similar to Briar Rabbit's fall into the briar patch.

Last September when I rode on the ride with a group of my friends, I told my friend, Andrew, who was in front of me that I was terrified. He told me that I could probably get out and walk out, but I told him, "No. I have to do this." Although I was afraid, I completed the ride, and it was okay in the end. Just as Briar Rabbit made it out of the briar patch and was free of his enemies, the end of the ride portrayed a group of happy critters singing that famous song, "Zip-a-dee-doo-dah," and the rest of the ride was easy sailing.

We pass through trying times: physical illness, economical failure, job loss, mental disorders, lack of self-esteem, educational failure, just to name several. We may gain enemies when we try to stand up for what we believe in or when we want to live our lives differently than those around us. We can get stuck in some tar when we are unwise in our decision-making. Maybe we'll skip the tar, but we'll still find ourselves thrown into our own briar patch: the trials, the pain, the failures. Yes, all of us at some time in our lives will be thrown in, but the briar patch, I believe, is not just a representation of the negative but also a representation of our Savior, Jesus Christ. It was the briar patch, after all, that helped Briar Rabbit become clean of the tar and be free once again.

Just like as with trusting the employees at Disneyland to make sure riding Splash Mountain follows all safety precautions, we need to continually put our trust in Jesus Christ AND in ourselves to make it through those scary moments and keep moving forward. Christ will not fail us and He will clean the sticky tar off of us so that we can come out of the briar patch once more.

Our Group Effort Toward Success

Last night I had the opportunity to go to a retirement home and play games with some older friends. The game that my group played is called Skipbo, which is a competitive card game. I had played it before, but beside me, only the elderly couple organizing the game knew how to play. So what happened? Any time that one of our group took their turn, the elderly couple would give them pointers on what to do and each one of us rooted for the other players. Did you read that? We each rooted for our competition to do well, even after playing several rounds.
In a competition, we desire to perform better than the other individuals involved; it's natural to want to win. However, what if all of us could win?

Well, we can. In our life, our progress and journey should really be a group effort, and as we help one another through each day, we can all win the eternal prize. Just as with our game of Skipbo last night, we all need each other. We need to help one another and strengthen each other. Some days it is difficult to look outward and extend our help to someone else, but as a Disney High School Musical song says (and I am sorry to use this as a reference), "We're all in this together." We are all journeying to reach that glorious life with our Heavenly Father and Savior so let's root for one another.

Smile. Be happy. Have joy. Live.

There is a song by One Republic called "I Lived". After a time of listening to it, I wondered if I truly have been living my life the way I wanted to live it. In a religious sense I always have strived to do better each day and to follow Jesus Christ's path, but in a temporal way I seemed to be stuck in my own failed dreams and plans. I had finished a degree in the Arts and went back for a while to study Computer Science, but over time it didn't appear that I would be able to finish the degree. Working at a theater for 10 years (even if as a manager for half that time), still being single, and not having experienced much in my life due to fear of leaving my comfort zone was not the plan that I originally had. When I was younger I thought that I would be married with a kid and working an art job from home by the time I was 30 years old, but I have not accomplished any of that so far. I was troubled because I felt like a failure.

Earlier last year I walked around the temple grounds in Provo with a particular question on my mind: Father, what is your plan for me? I thought that I was doing something wrong and that is why nothing worked out the way that I wanted. The response came, "I don't care what you choose to do for work or what to do with your life, so long as you are happy." Now this doesn't mean that He wanted me to go out and spend my life in riotous living because complete happiness only comes from following our Lord's commandments, but He didn't have anything specific that I should have been doing differently. After that point, I decided that if life was not going to work out the way that I had originally planned, what is to stop me from living it to the best of my ability?

I decided to not finish the second degree and instead dedicate the money and time that I would have spent for the extra schooling to living: traveling to places that I had never been and spending the time that I had with family and friends, and working on my portfolio in order to apply for art jobs later. This included going to Disneyland with friends and riding both rollercoasters and a ferris wheel, which I had never before done due to fear. In our lives, fear is not new. It prevents us from having the joyful life that our Father wants us to have. If we listen to it, fear escalates and weakens us. When I travel to a new place or do something different, the anxiety I have does not leave, but the courage that I have becomes stronger because it destroys fear's bonds. When we choose to live and disregard the fear that we feel, we start to feel more joy. Sometimes our Father in Heaven does have a specific path for some of His children, but maybe there are many out there like me who are asked that they just choose something worthwhile and then be happy with their circumstances.

At a future time, I may be playing the game "Never have I ever" and only be able to say that I have never ridden a horse, but it is fine because I can at least say that I have lived.

The Ultimate Peace in the Storm

What is peace? How do we obtain it? In John 14:27 Christ says, "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." The peace of which He spake refers to the Holy Spirit, which He promised to leave with His disciples when He ascended unto heaven. Therefore, peace comes as we have the companionship of the Holy Spirit. "Not as the world giveth, give I unto you," Jesus says, however. How does the world give peace compared to how our Savior gives peace? Peace by the world's definition comes in the absence of war, the absence of fear, or the absence of any disturbance. Peace from the Savior and the Holy Spirit still exists even when we are surrounded by turmoil or in the midst of war. 

There are two ways that I like to picture true peace: The first is based on a story that I heard about a king that called the great artists in the land and said that he would pay for a painting with the best depiction of peace. The painting that he chose in the end was one that showed a calm mother and baby bird in the middle of a huge storm.

The second way that I like to envision peace is by my experiences of sitting outside in my parent's backyard or in nature. Imagine yourself in this situation; The sun is beaming gently, the shade provides relief from the heat, but a warm breeze is blowing. The leaves are rustling, bees are buzzing, and birds are chirping. There are no sounds of vehicles, trains, or planes. It isn't exactly silent, but it's quiet. It is not what is happening externally that makes the situation peaceful but the warmth that I feel inside. 

Peace or the lack thereof is not influenced by external forces. The storms of life, the turmoils, illness, war and destruction, and surrounding darkness cannot remove the peace that is within our heart and soul. The peace within us comes from our Savior, Jesus Christ, through the Holy Spirit and is lasting. When we remember Him and we keep in mind the eternal perspective, that peace that He promised us will stay with us and no external force can take it from us.

Changing the World one Kumquat at a Time

There is a fruit that many people around here don't know about. It's called the Kumquat. The Kumquat is unusual because it's a citrus-type fruit that can be eaten whole; the peel is sweet and the inside is bitter (and it has great health benefits for its size). When I first tried the Kumquat, which I had found at a store by accident, I absolutely loved it. Over the years, I wanted to share it with other people because I hoped to introduce them to its wonder and delight. It made me happy to see others' reactions to trying it: at first squinting their eyes because of the bitter sourness inside and then widening their eyes in surprise as they realized that the fruit was pleasant overall.

I have been trying ever since that first day of experiencing the Kumquat, myself, to change the world one Kumquat at a time.

My experience of trying the Kumquat and sharing it with my friends, family, and coworkers is similar to my experience of trying the Gospel of Jesus Christ. At times, living His gospel is difficult. If I said that it's been a joyful, easy ride ever since I chose to follow Christ I'd be lying. In complete honesty, just like the Kumquat, there is a bitterness in following Him in this mortal life: walking alone most days, unpopularity, and difficult trials, to name a few of the challenges. However, despite that bitterness, there is a delightful and pleasant sweetness that accompanies the bitterness: peace, deeper love, joy, and small day-to-day miracles.

If this fruit that I enjoy so much did not have the bitter, it would be like any other fruit. It would be good, but it wouldn't be great. There will always be those moments of bitterness when one chooses to follow Christ, but without the bitter, living the Gospel of Jesus Christ and following Him would only be good, not great. Since the bitter makes the wonder of life all the more sweeter, I will continue to work on changing the world one Kumquat at a time.

No Longer Emotionally Robotic

As the year of 2018 draws to a close and a new year begins, I have contemplated on, not how the entire year has gone but rather, how the last two weeks have passed. As one who loves reading and studying the scriptures, I believed for a long time that one of the major goals in life was to be happy because in them it seemed to be a commandment; Christ told us to have joy, didn't He? Well, yes, but I think that He meant to have joy in the long run, not necessarily that we cannot experience other emotions such as anger, hurt, and sadness.
For years I pretended to be emotionally strong. If I was angry, I'd meditate, exercise, or play fighting video games until my anger subsided. If I was sad or hurt, I'd turn my attention elsewhere or push my emotions away so that I could avoid those feelings. I became, at times, almost robotic. The past two weeks, however, taught me differently. After several weeks of working extra, cleaning up after people, and constantly having something that I needed to do, I was both emotionally and physically exhausted. The final Friday of the year found me returning to my apartment, where I stayed in my room and cried. After the constant pressures of those last weeks, I did not fight the tears. On Saturday morning, not long after waking up, I discovered that a dear friend had committed suicide. Was I to ignore my emotions then as I had five years ago when I lost two other friends to death? No. I needed to cry and so I cried that weekend. Is it wrong for me to feel hurt and depressed because of my loss? No. We may be here to have joy and to trust in our Savior to free us from the pains that we have to experience, but Jesus himself shed tears when He was told that His friend Lazarus had died. He separated Himself from others when He received news that His cousin, John, had been killed. The truth is that it is okay to be angry, sad, fearful, anxious, etc. because it is a part of life to feel those feelings. My roommate has a dish towel that says, "It's okay to have a meltdown" and I've learned that it's okay every once in a while as long as we don't let ourselves stay there.
What pulled me out of the sadness that I was experiencing is that I remembered that there is plenty to be happy about. As long as there is still good in the world, we have no need to remain sad, angry, etc. for long. We can smile and laugh, knowing that all of our darkest days will see the light once more.